


Kalopsia

by lunaticmeap



Category: Naruto
Genre: Day 2, F/M, SW 2016, Sakura Week 2016, SasuSaku - Freeform, how do people even tag these things, idek, kalopsia, so i came up with something, yh ik im late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 14:53:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6809968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaticmeap/pseuds/lunaticmeap
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My participation in Sakura Week 2016:<br/>Her place in his heart through the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kalopsia

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this idek when. I think it was April, and I posted this on Tumblr (when i didnt have an AO3 account). And you know when I say I'm gonna come back to fix it one day? It means I've thought about it but my motivation simply wasn't strong enough to drag me back through 3k words just for the purpose of fixing a story i wrote in April 2016.

At the age of 8, Sakura already had a place in Sasuke's mind.

He saw her for the first time in the courtyard, hiding behind a blonde he vaguely recognised. The pink headed girl was dressed in a blue long sleeved shirt with triangles stylishly cut out at the biceps, accompanied by a pair of khaki. He noticed something different today. The girl he saw yesterday always had bangs covering up the damned forehead she hated so much. But today, hiding behind her newfound friend, the bangs were out of sight. It was a good improvement, he admitted. He can finally notice her face. But he would never admit to finding her features cute. It would bring him endless teasing from his mother and brother. And maybe his father might smile a bit too.

All a bit too 'romantically' involved for the likes of Uchiha Sasuke.

***

At the age of 13, Sakura already had a place in Sasuke's heart.

She was annoying. God, she drove him to the wall crying out to god to the unfairness of his situation when his team was picked. A know-it-all with zero combat skills, and a dimwit who acts too irrationally for Sasuke's liking. He can't really say much of the Dobe, however; Sasuke himself was probably no different. But in Sakura, he saw potentials. She could be so much better if she would just put down her hairbrush and twirl some knives.

And sometimes he wished he didn't expect things to happen, because then they do happen with the worst outcomes. In the Forest of Death, the surge of power he felt whilst under the first influence of the curse mark woke him. He sat up, finding the Dobe snoring away, and not far from them, a figure sitting on the ground. Shivering and ragged breathing. Red, in the centre a white ring. Above that was pink at a strange angle; muddy; tousled; and more red.

Red. The red of her shirt. Red. Like everything he saw. Like the colour of his eyes. Like the colour of her blood… like the blood of his parents never leaving the wooden floorboards, which has long turned into a dull shade of brown. Like the colour of the enemies' blood.

It was blood, he saw later on, out of his rampage. Blood splattered on the delicate cotton colour of her hair that he knew not of the source. He wanted to find it, and close the bleeding wound, wherever it was.

Sakura spoke to him softly, questioning his consciousness. Softly, delicately, worryingly, he can come up with at least ten more words to describe the tenderness in her voice. He looked up to her, finally seeing her after the haze of the battle.

Her hair: it was shorter. It tickled the back of his neck when she hugged him fearlessly to stop him from doing more harm. Littered on the floor were long strands of pink silk, unnoticed and uncared for. Ignored and given up by the girl with hair of cherry blossoms. Though her lips were cut, her side of her forehead was bleeding and bruising, as well as her arm, caked in blood and mud, he never saw more beauty. Her eyes were full of care and determination, and her lips pressed into a thin line in worry. She was slightly hunched over him; he can smell the dirt, sweat, and a tinge of metal off her. With her hair cropped, he could completely see her shoulders, quivering slightly, and her face, clear as day without the hair blocking his observation.

She has grown prettier, he knew. He saw the growth himself.

For a moment he thought he must have lost himself to some other dimension. He was in no condition or circumstance to be thinking of such. Yet he was, still. He thought she's maturing well, as well as grace and beauty. The bird who has finally prepared to take her fight out of the nest. The first quiet flap of the wings that he will see since a long time; he wanted to see her fly.

She smiled. A precious smile, a smile of the precious. Once upon a time, he would have given everything to see those smiles again.

***

At the age of 18, Sakura's place in both his mind and heart has hidden.

The battlefront was not a place for dreams of happiness, Sakura realised. His arrival at the battle was something she would have never expected, not after their last meeting. His eyes were void of colour and compassion then, despite the flower of red at the centre of his pupil and the polluted tears down his cheek. Her eyes were jade, brimming with liquid crystals. One hand armed with a blade of steel, soaked in a final plea in the form of venomous wounds, shaking at the final minute in front of his back. The other hand was a bird of light; charged, merciless and emotionless, aimed for the dust soaked cloak that hides the red that once meant so much. One striked in anger and loneliness; one cried in love and fear.

She was afraid. She has always been afraid for him. Ever since their first mission as a genin, to the forest where the blossom began to bloom, as well as all the years after his departure. She feared for his soul, which was almost consumed by the darkness that surrounds his past. She had never remembered it to be tainted. But like disease, if grew and grew as he fought back the temptation of the forbidden arts. And she knew he has long given up the fighting.

The man she saw then was not the same boy who she has loved in the past. He has given to the darkness, too weary to fight a battle that was brought on when he was too young and innocent to see it coming. For too long he struggled alone, reaching out for someone but no one was there. It was too late when she got there. He was already six feet under the cries of the dead and corrupted.

She will persevere. Though it may not be her hand that he will hold when he reaches out once more, she will be happy. Even if she herself will have to succumb to the quieter aspect of the dark that she had come so close to when he left. He could hate her even, and she wouldn't mind if it meant him walking in the light.

He was there, only a few steps away, faced towards the battlefield and back straight. Her heart clenched at the low rumble of his voice. It ached and bled invisibly inside her chest, almost forcing impulses through her bloodstreams to reach out and take him elsewhere, anywhere; away from the blood that they both saw too much on a regular basis. She could almost see the boy of her past that she loved too much, if it weren't for the circumstances.

She doesn't know where she stood in his life anymore.

***

At the age of 22, Sakura's place in Sasuke's mind was permanent.

They've been travelling for almost six months since last summer, and the winter were quick to approach at the small town on the outskirts of Amegakure. Though it never snowed in Ame during the winter; it continued to rain with the wind howling louder through the metal pipes of the skyscrapers, and the newfound mist of the season.

The war was devastating to everyone. They won with heavy casualties from all five nations, and like the previous war, the smaller ones suffered just as bad. Their grounds were never supposed to be a battlefield; people struggled through the day to earn a living in the Rain, and weather has never been great when diseases spread through the land.

Sakura kept herself busy, finding those who needed help and lending it without a second thought. Sasuke's duty, however, has reduced his duty from being lead, to bodyguard. He knew little to none of medical ninjutsu, which made him think of all the time that he has been saved by her hands. Her hands would hover then glowed in a bright green, her gem orbs focused and lost in the moment until her job is done. Then she would smile, and announce her completion.

For one person, it was easy; Sasuke never got anything worse than the loss of his limb. But when there's a herd of people lined up or sprawled across the floor begging for help in the dreadfully freezing weather, he knew that he would be absolutely useless; he'd be better running errands than try to stop someone's fever.

The entire morning he had been doing just that: running errands. Sakura's stationed at the local's only clinic, helping them get through the mass that lined up for checkups but not before kindly asking her companion to make a trip to the herbs and pharmacy place for some plants. He then proceeded to stay by her side from afternoon onwards.

The woman worked with efficiency he has never seen, despite his numerous visits to her office back in Konoha. The hitai-ate engraved with the symbol of her home gleamed under the fluorescent lighting, pulling excess bits of hair back from her vision. She was garbed in her usual sleeveless qipao dress and black shorts underneath a white lab coat that speaks authority without saying a single word.

Her chakra was pointed and precise to the smallest detail; blue flames probed on the tip of her fingers before it warped into a softer form which settled for dancing down her hand and to someone else instead. He watched in awe even after all the times he has seen her work up close upon himself. Sakura spoke softly to her patient who was seemingly quite frightened of something at the moment. Her glossy eyes held care for the person in front of her as she stretched her lips into a reassuring smile. He always thought she looked the most beautiful when she's passionate about her work. Perhaps he might have hallucinated a few times before because he swore he saw a goddess in her place, healing the wounded with a single magic touch and the quiet laugh.

They had takeouts that night and brought it back to the inn where they've been staying for the past two weeks – two dreadfully long and boring week, in Sasuke's opinion, though his ego would prevent from saying such. She was quiet through dinner, unlike the previous nights when she has animatedly told stories from the morning. Her eyes were always casted upon the ground, unwilling to look up to the worrying gaze held by him. He didn't understand why, but he hoped it wasn't because of him.

"Sakura."

"Hm?"

"Are you alright?"

"I didn't catch anything from my patients, if that's what you're asking."

"But are you alright?"

"She was silent for a moment, pondering at his intentions behind the question, "I'm fine, Sasuke-kun."

"Sasuke observed her every movement that evening. She was visibly fine, he was sure, but the sodden and depressed, almost guilty look she held in her looks, and her smile… she hasn't smiled ever since her shift ended at the clinic. A proper smile, that is. There were a few weak attempts that even the most hopeless in emotions like Sai could even see through.

She has no idea how much it pained him to see her like such.

It was a girl," she whispered to the pillow whilst her right hand sat across her stomach and her left spun around the chopped hair, occupying itself. Her subconscious turned itself away from the bitter truth that began to roll off her tongue, closing all its gates for her to escape.

There was a shift in the mattress as he pulled himself closer to her, pressing his torso to her back. I am here, I'm listening. You can tell me anything, he said with silence. From behind, all he could see was her back, covered by the thin fabric of her thin black camisole that held her waist closely. She was stunning under the faint light of the moon from the window that made her figure almost glow.

He held her around the stomach, face burrowed under her mess of hair. She mostly smelled of the soap from the bathroom, but there was something in it that distinctly said Sakura to him. And like a drug, he was addicted to it.

She was five, I think. Couldn't be any older than that… She had a high fever, and she was in s-septic shock when her mother… carried her through the doors," her throat felt dry, and she couldn't breathe. It was as if someone was choking her, preventing her from confessing a crime that would bring her to her undoing.

I… I wasn't quick enough. There were clots everywhere, and her organs where shutting down one by one. And…" she stifled her cry, croaking her last words as she squeezed her eyes shut to stop seeing the little girl whose hand felt so cold in her's. But dreams lie under the eyelids, and they're much more vivid than the hallucinations in reality.

Sasuke listened intently, catching every hiccup that caught her voice. The words that she was so reluctant to let out that evening leaked from the tiniest crack in her wall. As light as he can, he turned her around to face him. She wasn't sure if she can stand his judgments of her failure in her best field. She didn't want to open her eyes, she didn't want to look into soul to see disappointment and the crows cawing in the background, reminding her of the life that they took with them.

Her body shook in grief and guilt as her eyes shed the tears that he had not seen since the end of the war. She shut her lids tightly and hid her face in his chest, hands clenching at the fabric of his shirt and curled up like a child into the safety of their parents. She cried because of her guilt, because of her stupid chakra capacity, because of her incapability to save a life that should have lived.

He held her close and rubbed her back in delicately in hopes it would eases the pain. Although it never worked on him, and he knew it won't work on her, he did it anyways. Anything to show her he was there. His chin rested on the top of her head, and his face remained impassive. They were pillars for each other. She was his when he was back in the home he doesn't know. He was her pillar when she lost to Death. They were each other's, locked in an embrace to shield whatever may harm may come their way.

She might not be able to read him sometimes, but he can read her, and even the subtext of the book. She has always been the obvious one. The one who openly shows their affections to those they meet, and maybe sometimes too much for his liking. But hers were pure. She loved too much. So much more than he would ever for a random stranger on the street. It was more than just because of her work to be compassionate. She is compassionate, to no matter the villain or hero. She loved wholeheartedly, purely, without restraint. It was something he had known and accepted since that night when he left her out cold on the bench. The girl had read him so well back then, who cared for him so unconditionally, who saw perfection in something so damaged it can't be fixed. He still doesn't understand how it was him out of every other man – especially when for years all she ever got from him was lies and anguish - that she has chosen to love. But he didn't question it. He was selfish in that way; never wanting her to leave his side, afraid of the smallest spark that will tear her from him. The smallest change in billions of reactions called emotions that would burn him to ashes. But she wouldn't do such; he knows she won't because he's still alive.

It made her beautiful, he saw. It made her her. He had always seen it somewhere within her since they were no more than toddlers to naïve to hold a kunai properly. Sakura is flawed... god, he is flawed. He had always wondered if it was kalopsia that gave him longing thoughts of her; but holding her so close to him, to be able to smell her, feel her, travel with her, he knows that anything but a delusion. She is flawed, she is soft hearted, and she's strong willed… she is with him, in the flesh. And he swore, if anything, she is the embodiment of strength and love, a goddess that rose by her own name.

The winter was cold, and the trees were barren, but after winter comes spring. And man has yet to see the cherry blossom fully bloom.

**Author's Note:**

> EVERYTHING IS SO MESSY IM SO SORRY FOR THE ENDING WTF IDEK WHAT I WAS DOING!!!  
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed that - like super duper hope. Please PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT I WILL FOREVER LOVE YOU IF YOU LEAVE ME A LITTLE TINY COMMENT LIKE OH MY GOD IT MAKES MY DAY :)  
> But seriously though, comments are amazing ways to tell authors your opinion other than 'kudos'


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